Having regular, open conversations with your child can help build trust between you and let them know that you will support and not judge them if they turn to you for help.
Preparing to talk
- Pick a time when you know you don’t have other commitments and you can give the conversation as much time as is needed.
- Try not to stop your child from doing an activity they enjoy, such as playing a game or watching a show, or the conversation may feel like a punishment.
- Sitting down for ‘a talk’ can feel intimidating and may make the conversation less effective. Try having the conversation whilst doing side-by-side activities, such as walking the dog, cooking together or kicking a ball around.
Tips for talking
- Ask open-ended questions. This can stop the conversation from shutting down and helps you to understand their experiences, for example ‘what do you think about…’ or ‘tell me about…’.
If your child says ‘I don’t know’ give them time and opportunity to think before moving on, to show them you care about their views. It may help to offer ‘that’s ok, I’ll let you think about it a bit longer’.
- Avoid talking at them. Your child is an equal part of the conversation and shouldn’t feel lectured or talked ‘at’. For older children, listen more than you talk. For younger children, keep to one main point or topic and keep conversation shorter.
- Distance from the personal. Asking your child directly about their experiences may feel confronting or uncomfortable. Instead, ask them how they would support a friend in certain situations or relate it to something you’ve watched together.
- Help them know how to tell you something is wrong. In addition to letting your child know they can always talk to you if something upsets, scares or worries them, help them to think about how they would do this. You could ask them ‘if you wanted to tell me something that upset or worried you, what would help you to do that?’. You could agree a code word that means they want to tell you something, or let them know they can write things down to share with you.